How to understand women

Women are complex creatures, sometimes frustratingly so. There are times when we make the men in our lives want to throw up their hands in defeat and say, "I'll just never understand what women want!"

Do not give up hope. Sometimes the key to understanding a woman is to read between the lines of what she is saying to discover what she really means.

It is not entirely our fault that we have this round about way of communicating. Men are taught from a young age that asking for what they want is the best way to get it, while girls are encouraged to use our "feminine wiles" to manoeuvre our way into what our heart desires.

It does not help that a straightforward persistent woman is often tagged with unfair labels like "bitch" or "ball breaker". So instead of being direct, we sometimes take the long way to getting to what we really mean.

When your girl complains about her long hard day, there is a good chance it's not just to get it off her chest. She wants you help her relax, but instead of just asking you for a back massage, or to run her a hot bath, she feigns helplessness so you will be able to sweep in as her man and fix everything for her.

It is sometimes hard for a woman to ask for help from her man. We all want to believe we can take care of ourselves, but there are times when we just want to be cuddled a little bit. Therefore, instead of being annoyed by her whining, do the smart thing and ask her what she needs to unwind.

You can tell something is bothering a woman, but when you ask she says nothing is wrong. Do not be fooled, she really does need to talk. She just wants you to press her a little. If you insist on asking what is wrong it convinces her that you really want to hear about her problems and help resolve them.

Try to encourage her to open up without nagging. Instead, let her know that you are concerned and open to listening. She really does want to tell you about the fight she had with her best friend or how much getting passed over for that promotion at work upset her, but unless you show genuine interest, she will probably keep it bottled up.

The only time this translation may not be accurate is when she is upset about something you did. In this case, she may really need some space and time to think before she confronts you with it.

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How to keep your relationship thriving

Why do some couples seem so head-over-heels? It's not that their lives are any easier or more perfect than yours-- but they do know how to keep the daily grind from eroding their relationship. Get some of what they have by incorporating these happy-couple strategies into your love life.

1. Fall in love all over again. Make a conscious decision to be in love. The more you act as if you are in love, the more you will feel like you are.

2. Remember the good times. Treat your partner like you did at the beginning of your relationship. Make a list of all the things you used to enjoy doing together and add any new fantasies to the list. Plan for them and make them happen.

3. Help your partner feel more loved and secure in your love so that he or she can open up to you and express feelings and ideas without fear of being attacked or judged. Compliment, praise, and give a hug. Small gestures make the grandest statements.

4. Don't make unilateral decisions. You're a team in many ways, so act like one. Check in and make decisions together about things large and small. Be willing to compromise.

5. Be present. Train your mind to stay in the moment -- not at work, thinking about the new colour you want to paint your kitchen, or how it's time to take the dog to the vet.

6. Pay attention to your physical appearance. Take the time to stay in shape and look good for each o

7. Boost your compatibility. Couples in crisis focus on all the ways they are different, whereas those who are in love zero in on their similarities and think their differences are cute. Build compatibility by taking turns planning activities to do together. If you don't like your partner's choice, don't complain; it's your turn next.

8. Do not place blame. Replace blame and criticism with solutions and tenderness. Problem-solve together -- sit close, hold hands; touch each other's face or hair. Be playful. When was the last time you laughed together? Rent a comedy movie to tickle your funny bone.

9. Plan for sex. Spontaneity is great but smart couples know that good sex doesn't just happen. Like everything else, it takes time and planning.

10. Fact-find -- don't mind-read. You may think you know but you can't assume. You may believe he should know, but that's not fair, either. Always clear up misinterpretations and misunderstandings to make sure they don't throw you both off course.

11. Fight fair -- and by appointment only. Schedule a limited time to discuss a problem and confine your comments to that issue only. It's easier to relax and feel free to enjoy each other when you know you won't be ambushed by a litany of complaints and criticisms.

12. Prepare for checkouts. Even in the closest marriage, everyone needs time alone. Don't take it personally and don't make each other feel guilty if you need to spiritually and emotionally regroup. Just be sure to tell each other when you are checking out (max, one day) -- and when you're checking back in.

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