Why do some couples seem so
head-over-heels? It's not that their lives are any easier or more perfect than
yours-- but they do know how to keep the daily grind from eroding their
relationship. Get some of what they have by incorporating these happy-couple
strategies into your love life.
1. Fall in love all over again. Make a
conscious decision to be in love. The more you act as if you are in love, the
more you will feel like you are.
2. Remember the good times. Treat your
partner like you did at the beginning of your relationship. Make a list of all
the things you used to enjoy doing together and add any new fantasies to the
list. Plan for them and make them happen.
3. Help your partner feel more loved and
secure in your love so that he or she can open up to you and express feelings
and ideas without fear of being attacked or judged. Compliment, praise, and
give a hug. Small gestures make the grandest statements.
4. Don't make unilateral decisions. You're
a team in many ways, so act like one. Check in and make decisions together
about things large and small. Be willing to compromise.
5. Be present. Train your mind to stay in
the moment -- not at work, thinking about the new colour you want to paint your
kitchen, or how it's time to take the dog to the vet.
6. Pay attention to your physical
appearance. Take the time to stay in shape and look good for each o
7. Boost your compatibility. Couples in
crisis focus on all the ways they are different, whereas those who are in love
zero in on their similarities and think their differences are cute. Build
compatibility by taking turns planning activities to do together. If you don't
like your partner's choice, don't complain; it's your turn next.
8. Do not place blame. Replace blame and
criticism with solutions and tenderness. Problem-solve together -- sit close,
hold hands; touch each other's face or hair. Be playful. When was the last time
you laughed together? Rent a comedy movie to tickle your funny bone.
9. Plan for sex. Spontaneity is great but
smart couples know that good sex doesn't just happen. Like everything else, it
takes time and planning.
10. Fact-find -- don't mind-read. You may
think you know but you can't assume. You may believe he should know, but that's
not fair, either. Always clear up misinterpretations and misunderstandings to
make sure they don't throw you both off course.
11. Fight fair -- and by appointment only.
Schedule a limited time to discuss a problem and confine your comments to that
issue only. It's easier to relax and feel free to enjoy each other when you
know you won't be ambushed by a litany of complaints and criticisms.
12. Prepare for checkouts. Even in the
closest marriage, everyone needs time alone. Don't take it personally and don't
make each other feel guilty if you need to spiritually and emotionally regroup.
Just be sure to tell each other when you are checking out (max, one day) -- and
when you're checking back in.
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